“Bubbles” Popalottofem swaggered across the darkened room to the far corner where a single glaring bulb swung ominously over a slumping figure. Bubbles’ boys had picked up Bea N. Counter, head economist for Carbonxcess Oil Co., as she left the office that night. Now she sat captive, waiting for the worst.
Years ago Bubbles made a fortune in royalties off Lawrence Welk’s bubble machine. Then he moved into the bubble gum and soap bubble market. Recently Bubbles slipped into the lucrative bubble bath business. Never satisfied, he was itching to muscle into a whole new field. He knew Ms. Counter could scratch that itch. She had the scoop on all the right numbers.
“All right Counter, cough ‘em up,” growled Bubbles.
“But I’m not suppose to tell about RE…doh!” Counter whimpered.
“RE, eh?” Bubbles blurted, “Spill it Counter. What’s this RE business?”
“Alright, alright I’ll talk. Look, we at Carbonxcess have known for a long time that 97% of climate scientists agree that burning fossil fuels is dangerously warming the planet. We’ve done our best to obscure and cast doubt about that number. But let’s face it; it’s out there. Now here’s the kicker. What most people don’t know is that the New York University School of Law found that 84% of us economists agree that this warming presents a significant threat to both the US and global economies. Here in the Midwest agriculture, fishing, insurance and health services are most likely to be severely affected.
“But get this; 98% of economists agree that a market-based solution putting a price on carbon could significantly reduce emissions while spurring development in RE – Renewable Energy. You know, the RE industry usually generates more jobs than fossil fuels production does. So if we increased RE by 25% by the year 2025 we’d add over 200,000 new jobs,” revealed Counter.
“You’re not going to tell that I squealed are you?” begged Counter. “Carbonxcess wants these numbers kept secret so people think the only path to prosperity is through fossil fuels when actually they pose a clear risk to the financial health of our country.”
“Don’t worry pal,” gloated Bubbles. “I’ll be hush-hush while I begin quietly investing in RE. And you know what? I’ll be helping the planet too. Like my dear old mother says, ‘We got no other place to go. We’re stuck right here. Forever… Earthbound.’”
Years ago Bubbles made a fortune in royalties off Lawrence Welk’s bubble machine. Then he moved into the bubble gum and soap bubble market. Recently Bubbles slipped into the lucrative bubble bath business. Never satisfied, he was itching to muscle into a whole new field. He knew Ms. Counter could scratch that itch. She had the scoop on all the right numbers.
“All right Counter, cough ‘em up,” growled Bubbles.
“But I’m not suppose to tell about RE…doh!” Counter whimpered.
“RE, eh?” Bubbles blurted, “Spill it Counter. What’s this RE business?”
“Alright, alright I’ll talk. Look, we at Carbonxcess have known for a long time that 97% of climate scientists agree that burning fossil fuels is dangerously warming the planet. We’ve done our best to obscure and cast doubt about that number. But let’s face it; it’s out there. Now here’s the kicker. What most people don’t know is that the New York University School of Law found that 84% of us economists agree that this warming presents a significant threat to both the US and global economies. Here in the Midwest agriculture, fishing, insurance and health services are most likely to be severely affected.
“But get this; 98% of economists agree that a market-based solution putting a price on carbon could significantly reduce emissions while spurring development in RE – Renewable Energy. You know, the RE industry usually generates more jobs than fossil fuels production does. So if we increased RE by 25% by the year 2025 we’d add over 200,000 new jobs,” revealed Counter.
“You’re not going to tell that I squealed are you?” begged Counter. “Carbonxcess wants these numbers kept secret so people think the only path to prosperity is through fossil fuels when actually they pose a clear risk to the financial health of our country.”
“Don’t worry pal,” gloated Bubbles. “I’ll be hush-hush while I begin quietly investing in RE. And you know what? I’ll be helping the planet too. Like my dear old mother says, ‘We got no other place to go. We’re stuck right here. Forever… Earthbound.’”
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