Art Tick shuffled slowly into the clinic.  This past winter had been a miserable flop.  His ice was far less expansive and much thinner than even a few short years ago.  Arty hadn’t felt this out of sync for 10,000 years when he was just wrapping up the ice age.  But at that time the unusual sensation was invigorating; he was a super cold, powerful, dominating presence.  Now it’s just the opposite.  Feverish and weak, Arty has lost much of his vitality. 

            Doc Cy Entist escorted him into the examination room, and Arty poured out his symptoms: lack of ice, excessive cloud cover, occasional fog and rain instead of snow, an erratic jet stream that swings wildly in huge dips south then back north causing wacko weather in the mid-latitudes below the polar region.  “Doc, instead of reliable sub-zero temps all winter, some days my temperature actually climbed above freezing – IN WINTER!” Art cried.  “Ya gotta be straight with me Doc.  I’m not going to lose all my ice this summer, am I?”

            “Cool down,” Cy Entist cautioned, “or in a few decades you might.  Here’s the reality Art Tick.  We’ve got to get you stabilized, or we’ll all be in trouble.  Your frozen ice pack is a major factor in the relatively reliable weather patterns we’ve had since the ice age.   If you lose too much more ice, it’s a crap-shoot as to where we’ll end up.

            “Arty,” Doc continued, “you’ve got a classic case of carbon overload.  You’re carrying way too much CO2 in your water and air.  That carbon needs to be put back into the soil where it will do some good.  Wise farmers can help with proper soil management.  Meanwhile, I’m putting you on a low CO2 diet and prescribing a strong dose of CF&D.*  It’ll make you feel better, and the CF&D will help those poor blokes in the mid-latitudes of the U.S. whose weather you’re messing with.  Besides slowing the accumulation of atmospheric carbon, it’ll give most of them a little extra cash to ‘weather the storm’, shall we say?

            “Because if you continue on this path, there’s no telling how wacko our weather might get.  After all, this is the only home we’ll ever know; we’re here forever…Earthbound.
 
*Carbon Fee & Dividend legislation would pay cash dividends to every American household.  Learn more at CtizensClimateLobby.org

           As the balmy spring sun warmed the garden soil, Elmer and Ethel Earthworm worked their way to the surface.  Ahh… the dawn of a new season!  “I’ll check to see what mail’s arrived over the winter,” Elmer called.  Along with the seed catalogs was a letter from Ethel’s cousin Louie from Alabama.  It read:

          “Dear Northern Cousin, How’s life in the beautiful Driftless Region?  I hope spring is beginning to show her face.  Down here human folks are already tilling up our tunnels; gardening season has begun.

        “I sure hope you can avoid the ruckus we had here last year!  Some new worms moved into the neighborhood.  Strange, kinda twitchy folks – jerking this way, hoppin’ that way.  Made me nervous!  And EAT!  They plowed through the leaf litter like there was no tomorrow.  Strange looking too!  Their clitellum* is milky white or light gray, and it’s smooth and completely encircles their bodies.  Weird!  Anyway, I was just wondering if you’d seen any of these folks up your way. Well, gotta go.  Happy tunnelin’, Loamy Louie.”

        Just as they finished reading, the county extension agent’s car pulled in.  The friendly agent handed Farmer Jones a pamphlet and told him about the very worm described in Louie’s letter.  What a coincidence!

          She said this invasive new worm species from Southeast Asia had inadvertently been transported to the southern U.S.   People call them “jumping worms” or “Alabama Jumpers” because they writhe violently or even jump when disturbed.  And like any invasive species, they can have a huge impact on the local ecology.

        Devouring the organic matter on the forest floor, they leave behind a very loose, nutrient-poor soil that inhibits the growth of new seedling, native plants, and fungi.  Any one worm can reproduce on its own without a mate, so they can spread fast wreaking environmental havoc as they go.

        She told Jones that jumping worms have been found in Wisconsin too. To prevent accidently spreading the tiny cocoons be careful not to move debris or dirty tools to another area.  When shopping, carefully inspect plants and gardening materials and only buy sterilized or properly heat-treated compost.

        “I sure hope Jones and the other humans follow her directions,” Ethel sighed.  “Heaven knows we need a stable eco-system here on the only home we’ll ever know, where we’re forever…Earthbound.”

*clitellum - the band around the worm’s body