Hugh Mannity called in the suspects one by one. C. O. Two sauntered in first. “Okay, okay,” grumbled the greenhouse gas, “I know I’m causing a lot of trouble, but can you blame me? For tens of millions of years I did a great job of running a consistently balanced carbon cycle. I’d travel from the atmosphere to plants, then to the soil then back again to the atmosphere. But then you guys took a liking to burning petroleum-based fossil fuels.
“Since then, there’s 50% more of me in your atmosphere than the previous long-term average. So I admit, I’m a chief cause of all the troubles you’re having with the warming climate.” Turning on his heels, C.O. stormed out.
“Yoo-Hoo!” Ima D’Watters, poked her head in. “Can I be next?” she inquired sweetly. Hugh waved her in. “Sorry to have to call you in, but your already-high numbers are growing as the atmosphere heats up. Your water vapor accounts for about half of the heat-trapping molecules in the atmosphere.”
“That’s true,” Ms. D’Watters agreed cautiously, “but don’t blame me. I’m NOT like those gassy guys waiting in your lobby. When they pile up in the atmosphere they heat up the planet, and it heats me up too! I don’t like it, but that’s just how my molecules react to the warming they’ve put in motion,” she tearfully replied as she left.
With his collar up, backwards cap and eyes averted, Nat Uralgass sauntered in. “What’d ya call me in for? I thought I was on your side trying to help you get rid of that CO2 guy,” Nat snickered. “He hangs around in the atmosphere over-heating the planet for hundreds of years. Me? Ten - fifteen years tops and ‘Poof’ I’m outta here.”
“We get that,” Hugh responded, “but listen; CO2 acts like a blanket around the Earth. But you, pal, are like 100 blankets! So we’re doubling down on your attempts to escape through faulty gas wells, valves and pipelines. Folks are having aging gas ovens properly serviced or are replacing them with electric models. And maybe you think burping cattle are funny, but smart farmers are finding ways to change their cattle’s diets to reduce all that gas.
“So Nat (a.k.a. Methane), quit your destructive leaking because this is the only home we’ll ever know. It’s where we’re all forever… Earthbound.”
“Since then, there’s 50% more of me in your atmosphere than the previous long-term average. So I admit, I’m a chief cause of all the troubles you’re having with the warming climate.” Turning on his heels, C.O. stormed out.
“Yoo-Hoo!” Ima D’Watters, poked her head in. “Can I be next?” she inquired sweetly. Hugh waved her in. “Sorry to have to call you in, but your already-high numbers are growing as the atmosphere heats up. Your water vapor accounts for about half of the heat-trapping molecules in the atmosphere.”
“That’s true,” Ms. D’Watters agreed cautiously, “but don’t blame me. I’m NOT like those gassy guys waiting in your lobby. When they pile up in the atmosphere they heat up the planet, and it heats me up too! I don’t like it, but that’s just how my molecules react to the warming they’ve put in motion,” she tearfully replied as she left.
With his collar up, backwards cap and eyes averted, Nat Uralgass sauntered in. “What’d ya call me in for? I thought I was on your side trying to help you get rid of that CO2 guy,” Nat snickered. “He hangs around in the atmosphere over-heating the planet for hundreds of years. Me? Ten - fifteen years tops and ‘Poof’ I’m outta here.”
“We get that,” Hugh responded, “but listen; CO2 acts like a blanket around the Earth. But you, pal, are like 100 blankets! So we’re doubling down on your attempts to escape through faulty gas wells, valves and pipelines. Folks are having aging gas ovens properly serviced or are replacing them with electric models. And maybe you think burping cattle are funny, but smart farmers are finding ways to change their cattle’s diets to reduce all that gas.
“So Nat (a.k.a. Methane), quit your destructive leaking because this is the only home we’ll ever know. It’s where we’re all forever… Earthbound.”
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