Doctor A. Penny Earned glanced through her day’s appointment calendar.  “Oh my,” she thought, “another jam-packed day!  This pandemic is really taking a toll.” After a final gulp of coffee she knocked on the exam room door.

       Phil Err-Uppe had been sitting patiently, but when she came in he burst out.  “Ya gotta help me Doc.  I can’t keep living like this.”  Penny scanned Phil’s chart and reviewed his driving habits. “Yup, you’ve caught it too,” she said, “another case of Hormuz-itis.  You’ve gotta replace that gas guzzler of yours.  I want you to start looking into hybrids and EVs.  Meanwhile, no more needless idling or driving for short trips when walking or biking would suffice. And consider taking the train for cross-country jaunts.”
       
       Electra Bills waited in the adjacent room. “Every month it costs more!” she cried when Penny stepped in. “I just can’t keep up!”  “Hmm… Hormuz-itis is spreading fast,” the good doctor thought to herself.  She prescribed replacing all old lightbulbs with LEDs, bumping up the AC a few degrees and arranging for a free assessment from an area solar contractor.

          Fern S. Phuell was pacing in the examination room as Penny opened the door. “We barely made it through last winter,” she began. “I’m already worried about how we’ll cope come fall.”  Doc Earned patted Fern’s hand and gave her the Wisconsin Focus on Energy (FOE) website (https://focusonenergy.com/). “They’ve got a bunch of resources and rebates to help you insulate and weatherproof your home.  FOE can also advise you on servicing or replacing inefficient appliances.”

          That evening, Penny sent an email to all her patients.  “I’m so sorry that you’ve been bitten by this pandemic.  This year it happens to be Hormuz-itis, but honestly, there’s always going to be something pushing energy costs higher and draining your pocketbook.  Remember, efficiency is always the low-cost winner.  What’s that old saying? ‘A penny saved…’  Together, we CAN beat Hormuz-itis.  The International Energy Agency estimates energy efficiency measures could deliver two-thirds of the oil demand reduction and half of the natural gas demand reduction necessary to meet net zero energy sector emissions by 2050.

            “Why not save some cash, help reduce the bickering over energy sources and practice good stewardship at the same time? After all, this is the only home we’ll ever know.  It’s where we’re all forever… Earthbound.”

        Odysseus Blivious’s eyes popped open. “Saturday morning!” he crowed. “Got to get to work!”  O., as his friends called him – O. Blivious – wolfed down a few bites of breakfast and strode out to the green expanse that stretched beyond his porch.  His huge ½ acre lot was covered in Kentucky blue grass and fescue. “Work” for O. Blivious meant donning a set of headphones, tuning in the “oldies” station, perching on his gas rider mower, and methodically weaving back and forth over his grassy spread.

        O. was proud to be named after his mythical Greek hero, Odysseus. “It’s so cool how he outsmarted the ‘Sirens’ by plugging his crew members’ ears so they couldn’t be lulled into a tragic demise by the mesmerizing Sirens.  Boy, I’d never let myself be lulled to complacency and oblivion like some poor sap!” he thought while adjusting his headphones to get the
sound just right as he continued back and forth…back and forth.

        The top-of-the-hour newscast led with a story about the anticipated El Nino coming this year.  “It will likely amplify heatwaves, droughts and floods and increase the average 500,000 annual heat-related deaths globally,” she said.

        “Those poor souls,” O. muttered. “Oh well, nothin’ I can do about it,” he said while completing another loop.  The newscast concluded with a piece about lawn care pollution. “Studies find that running a gas-powered lawn mower produces eleven times more emissions than running the average new car for the same amount of time.  Additionally, lawn chemicals and pumping water used for irrigation create additional greenhouse gas emissions.”  O. yawned and made another loop.

        With the grass freshly shorn, O. fixed himself a (well-deserved??) iced tea and was about to head for the hammock when his wife called out, “I’m off to the garden club expo.  Wanna come?  They’ve got a presentation on how to add native vegetation - clovers, shrubs, trees, and flowers - to your landscaping.  They say polyculture-landscaping creates a more bio-diverse and healthier environment.  There’s supposed to be a demonstration of those cool no-emissions electric lawn mowers too.”

        O. was about to roll his eyes and tell her he’d pass, but something made him pause.  “Yeah, I’ll go,” he called and thought, “After all, we DO need to protect this planet because it’s the only home we’ll ever know.  We’re all forever… Earthbound.”