The economist, Mark Ettplace, said, “Besides, Congress will never approve more regulations, especially if lawmakers think that would slow the economy.”
The leader, Wanda Xpand, said, “And we developing countries won’t agree to limit our use of fossil fuels because that might slow our growth.” The sorry-looking trio slouched over their drinks.
Bartenders have an ear for sad stories and Lemmy had heard hundreds. He didn’t want his patrons to associate misery with his establishment, so Lemmy Fixxit announced, “Cheer up folks. I’m mixing a shaker-full of my specialty; next round’s on me!” No one knows what goes into Lemmy’s specialty, but it worked like magic. By closing time these three were singing their way out the door and clapping each other on the back.
“Folks are going to love this because HERE AND NOW they’d start receiving monthly dividend checks totaling about $2,000 a year for a family of four,” chirped Bea. “Congress will go for it too,” smiled Mark, “because the government won’t be telling folks what to do. The market place will drive innovation and energy conservation.” Wanda added, “And we developing countries will jump in so that other countries will pay US a border adjustment fee instead of us paying them.” Lemmy smiled knowing this “magic mixture” of ideas would also dramatically lower CO2 emissions and slow climate change.
Remarkably, their concoction-inspired plan closely resembles the Republicans’ own proposed “Conservative Case for Carbon Dividends.” It includes:
- A gradually rising fee on carbon fuels (about 30 cents/gal. for gas to start)
- Monthly dividends immediately paid to every American household so that the least wealthy 70% come out financially ahead
- A gradual rollback of current emission regulations
- A carbon border adjustment on imports from counties that don’t have a similar carbon fee